1st night at home was 500 times better than any night in the hospital. We all got some rest. We are going to have to rearrange stuff to make things work even better. Also going to have to go through and find what all Abby can fit in, she isn't just chubby but long too. We are definitely going to have to figure out how to go or get some stuff from the store soon. Words can't explain how blessed I feel to have our precious miracle home. God is so amazing and helped us overcome everything satan kept throwing at us.

Curtis has been a true heaven sent helping so much cause I really can't do much at all. I have been breast feeding when I can but sometimes the pain from the c section is just too much for me. I have been trying to get up a little bit more its not easy but God gives me strength. I wish I would have recorded the 1st diaper change Curtis did it was funny. He is getting better with all the practice. I am sure it will be a sight when I do my 1st attempt too. Can't wait till we all get to go home and really start this new season in our lives. Thanks everyone for the support. God Bless!

Abigail Grace is finally here. She was born via c section at 5:37am cause she just wouldn't come vaginally cause she is huge 12lbs 9oz-22in long. They have to monitor for 2 hours so I still haven't got to hold her or see her more than a few secs. Curtis got to hold her and says she looks like my daddy

Yesterday was one month since we lost our precious little girl. It is probably why I was feeling a bit emotional. Despite that I still got 100s on my two college exams. There are times I get a little sad but God has really helped me get through everything the enemy throws at me.

In the above picture is Safira with her teddy bear that's wearing her hat on Curtis's piano where we decided to have her for now. Once we brought her home I decided that it was best to put the bear with her, because I had been having the bear with me. I guess you could say I did it for 2 reasons. One to comfort me and two to take care of it till it could go back to its owner.

I am excited to see the vision God gave me to come to past. I have no doubt it will happen. I of course want it to happen sooner than later but I trust in God's timing. Just like it says in the Word my womb is blessed and fruitful. I thank God for all He has done and plans to do in our lives. I trust what the Word says that He has plans to prosper us and not to harm us. No matter what the devil and his minions do I stand firm in the fact that Jesus has already overcome and we have the victory through Him.

The picture below is the charm bracelet our wonderful church gave me. They gave me the bracelet and the charm that says Safira Trinity. I bought the baby feet one to represent the first child we lost in September 2007, that wasn't far enough along to be able to know the gender. The other charm is for our little boy we lost August 2011.

33 years ago today was born a little boy that would grow up into an incredible man and perfect husband. I am so grateful God created Curtis and when He did he was made with me in mind. I know I am not the easiest to get along with. There are times I can't stand myself. Curtis has never given up on me and no matter what he stays by my side giving me support and strengthing my faith in God. I pray God gives us many more birthdays to celebrate together.

The first picture above was taken today after a friend that does Mary Kay gave me a mini makeover.

The second picture is the urn for our little Safira Trinity. We finally got to pick it up today. It was a little emotional but God got us through it. I think because it's so close to mothers day it's a little tough on me because I was looking forward to kind of celebrating it with a big prego belly. Plus last mothers day I found out I was prego with Malachi. But I don't have a child to get me a card or anything cause my 3 babies are all with Jesus. I stand on God's promise though that I will be celebrating mother's day with my children someday.

Someone text me today and asked how I was and I  told them ok that I was happy to be off the antibiotics. Next thing they asked was "what about the baby?" I know she didn't mean to upset me but it just hit a nerve.  When I lost Malachi last year it was hard but with Safira it just seems so much worse. They were completely different situations but with the same horrible outcome. With Malachi I had two weeks to come to terms with the fact that I could lose him. The doctors didnt expect him to last two weeks. Safira I got almost no warning.  Everything was fine then poof water breaks and a day and half later I give birth.  I was glad I had the doctor I had this time cause he was more hopeful than I think I was.  If it would have been left up to me I would have been induced Saturday but he just couldn't do it. I believe in miracles and that God can do awesome things after all I have experienced some but I just knew in my heart I was losing my baby and didn't want to drag it out. Even Curtis was more hopeful than I which is why I didn't push for the induction even though I could have. Everyone around me had more hope than I did. I tried but I just couldn't do it. In a way I just went numb waiting to lose my baby.  The doctor told me he was going to release me Monday and I actually dreaded it because the idea of having a repeat of  how Malachi was born in my toilet and an ambulance having to come and but another one of my babies in a biohazard bag was horrible. While Safira did have the horrible toilet birth at least she had some of the nicest nurses to take care of her and treat her like a human being. They gave her the attention and care I should have but I just couldn't bare to see her to start with. Honestly parts of me feel bad that my son died in a toilet while my daughter got so much attention. She got cremeation and will be in an urn and i have no idea what they did with him. I have pictures and items of her and nothing of his. I know I can't change what happen and have come to terms with that but it still makes me quite sad at times. 

I trust God and I know He has a plan of good for us. It has only been a week though and I am still processing everything. My smiles and laughs are real but there are still times of tears.  With time the tears will come less but just like with Malachi and the first baby I still feel the loss. While I know they are in a much better place with Jesus my selfishness wishes they were with me.

Saturday evening my water broke. I was only 18 weeks and 3 days pregnant so it was not a good thing at all. We immediatly went to the hospital and they did an u/s to confirm it did break. There was some fluid around our little girl and my cervix wasn't dialated. My dr decided that he would have me admitted and pray that the sac would reseal. Sunday afternoon they did another u/s and there was no change which the dr said was good cause cervix was still not dialating and the fluid wasn't any less. Sunday night though I started having contractions. Monday morning I delievered our little girl Safira Trinity. She lived for three hours but just couldn't breath cause her lungs weren't developed enough. She was a perfect little baby. I thank God so much for the nurses that took care of me and her they were so incredibly nice.  I ended up getting an infection and was put on antibotics and released earlier today.  


I know God has a plan for us and that one day we will have children we get to keep and raise. 

I could say so much more but I just don't have it in me right now. 

I didn't really post anything right after I went to doctor last month cause nothing that interesting happened. Everything looked fine. Doctor had a hard time getting measurements cause it was moving so much. I go back a week from today. I am hoping the gender will be revealed.  I have been feeling some movement on and off the past few days which is exciting.  I really felt some the other night when I got to see one of my CBC teachers in person. I said they must like him as much as I do haha. 

It's kind of been a hard week for me I got some sort of cold while at an Andrew Wommack conference in Orlando last week. The sore throat went a way within a day or two Thank God. I still have a cough that starts making me gag and puke. Today so far I haven't lost any food like I did the past few days. My sinuses seem to be running a lot less too. Poor Curtis has been struggling with the sinus and cough issue for I think weeks now. 

Medicaid to no surprise has given me some issues this time. I get a notice with no other warning first that my coverage has ended. It didn't make sense to me since on the web it showed I wasn't even up for review till May. Well apparently I was told wrong about just having to ask them to upgrade me to pregnancy medicaid again and give proof of pregnancy. I called waited for over 30 minutes to find out I had to completely reapply for medicaid.  I did but it can take up to 45 days to get approved and my doctor visit is next week.  I refuse to stress though the doctor office may just have to bill later. 

I am 15 weeks today so I figured I would post a belly picture.  I look huge! My belly is a lot rounder and shirts that used to not touch my belly do now.  

I go to the doctor tomorrow. I had to go last Tuesday because I had extreme pain in my right hip area that it made me puke. It lasted for about 5 hours that day. The doctor did an ultrasound to make sure baby was fine and told me it was probably a pulled muscle or spasm. Wednesday night right before bed the pain started again. it was horrible I took the pain killer he prescribed and muscle relaxer but neither seemed to help at all. This time it last for 7 hours. I kept poor Curtis up almost the entire time cause it was hurting so bad.  Won't I believe finally made the pain go away was God. I had been praying even begging for it to stop but when I finally decided just to start reading the Word of God the pain started numbing to the point that I could go to sleep finally. I haven't had any pain in that same spot since. Praise God. A few times since I have had pains in other spots and every time I start reading my bible the pain stops. 

I know it's been over a month since I wrote. I have meant to a few times just never did.   We had our 11 week doctor visit March 2nd. The doctor was very happy that I hadn't had any more bleeding. He did an u/s(pic above) and everything looked great. He was scared when he last saw us because the baby had moved on to the cervix when I lost that clump of lining. There doesn't seem to be any issues now.  The baby was sleeping and the doctor wanted to see him moving around so he kept pushing on my belly telling him to move. Finally when he did it was so adorable. Stretching, scratching its head, and even looked like he was trying to pick his nose. 

I finished my first 2 classes of Bible College last week. The one test wasn't to bad cause it was multiple choice but the second one was harder cause it was almost all fill in the blank. I know I second and third guessed myself into the wrong answers a couple of times. 

Not to much else going on I guess. We had my nephew's 1st birthday party at my house Saturday. I think it went pretty well. He seemed to have fun so that's what matters.  My parents got a brand new Kia Forte yesterday. It's their first new car ever.  I probably had more to say  but I just can't think of it at the moment.