Loss of Precious Malachi

It's been a little over a month and have thought of writing this a dozen times. What I am about to write may be to graphic/ upsetting for some to read. 

At eleven something at night on August 6th, I woke up to use the bathroom and while going something felt wrong. Without any contractions or warnings signs that I noticed at the time, Malachi came out. I didn't see him put felt him. It wasn't even painful. I freaked out and yelled for Curtis and told him I thought I loss the baby. He immediately woke up, turned on the bathroom light and went to get a flashlight to see, since I was still on the toilet. I did a quick glance for my self and saw the umbilical cord and knew I was right.  Curtis then did something that now I wish he didn't have to cause it's horrible he had to see our precious little one in the toilet.  I was only 19 1/2 weeks along at this point there was no way he could survive his organs were not developed enough.  He needed to stay in there at least 4 1/2 more weeks.  I stayed on the toilet thinking the placenta would just come out also but it didn't. After around an hour Curtis called 911 and they sent an ambulance.  It wasn't long before they showed up. They took my vitals and then clamped and cut the umbilical cord. I was then taken to the hospital in the ambulance. 

I have much more to say but instead of one super long post I think I will break it up into smaller ones. Not to mention even though I feel the need to write it out, it's still a very emotional for me.  I know God is taking care of my angel & there was a reason for all this, which in a later post I will give some theories.