the loss of my daddy

I haven't wrote on here in a while. Almost a month ago my daddy was taken suddenly from me. 9 am on September 11th I got woke by a knocking on my door. It was a highway patrolman, he asked if I was Stephanie and if he could come inside to talk. He motioned me to sit down and then he sat down himself. In my mind I am hoping that it's nothing important but deep down I knew something was horribly wrong. He then asked what my relation to Thomas Anderson was and I answered daughter. What he said next took me a few minutes to process and even still today I wish wasn't true, but he told me that he was sorry to inform me that my dad was in accident and was dead. For a few minutes I sat in shock listening to this officer until I just completely broke down. I called Curtis I felt so bad cause he had the hardest time understanding me and I really think he felt helpless cause he was 6 hours away working. I texted him after the officer left asking if he could get back and he was already working on it.  The officer continued to give me information and told me he had tried going to my parents house but no one answered. I knew from the vehicles he said was in the yard that my sister and mom were home, so I begged him to go tell them cause there was no way I could have drove down there. 

A few minutes after the officer left I thought I calmed down enough to call my pastor cause even though I didn't want anyone there but Curtis cause I hate crying in front of others, deep down I knew I shouldn't be alone and that if I could just call him he would do something. The second I tried to talk though I broke down again and it took him a little bit to understand what I was saying. All I asked him to do was pray, which he did and it helped so much, then we hung up. A few minutes later I get a call back saying people were on the way. I don't know if they realize how much it really meant to me that they all cared so much but it meant more than words can express. I never realized how important having a good church family was until then. I mean they all gave me support and love when I had my 2 miscarriages while going there but that pain really was nothing compared to this. Someone did stay with me until Curtis finally made it home. They helped to keep me distracted so I wasn't just balling my eyes out the entire time. I told them stories about my daddy since they didn't really know him.

The next day I went to the funeral home with Curtis and Adam(my sister's boyfriend). The medial examiner in Jacksonville had to send a photo so I could identify the body cause my mom was in no condition to leave the house yet. It was one of the hardest and most horrible things for me to do but God gave me the strength. 

These were the scriptures I focused on during the first week or two:

The LORD is close to the brokenhearted;
he rescues those whose spirits are crushed. (Psalm 34:18 NLT)
Weeping may last through the night,
but joy comes with the morning. (Psalm 30:5 NLT)
My health may fail, and my spirit may grow weak,
but God remains the strength of my heart;
he is mine forever. (Psalm 73:26 NLT)
God blesses those who mourn,
for they will be comforted. (Matthew 5:4 NLT)
All praise to God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. God is our merciful Father and the source of all comfort. He comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others. When they are troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort God has given us. (2 Corinthians 1:3, 4 NLT)

We had a memorial service the Sunday after it happened. There was an amazing turn out I believe it was around 70 people. It was family, friends, his coworkers from Jacksonville post office and Jupiter post office. I knew my dad was an amazing man but I didn't realize how many lives he really touched. I learned something I never knew that at his work they called him Papa. He was only 54 years old and it just shows to me that if they called him that just amazed me and really showed who he was and how much he cared for others. Bellow is what I wrote and read at my dad's service:
Tuesday was the worst day of my life. One of the most important people in my life was taken so suddenly. I know this wasn’t God’s will cause Jeremiah 29:11 says For I know the plans I have for you," says the LORD. "They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.”  My anger is towards satan and him alone cause as John 10:10 says,” the thief comes only to seal & kill & destroy. I came that they may have life & have it more abundantly.”  The enemy just can’t stand to see people happy. And in his last days my dad was so happy everything was going so good for him. He had just gotten his 1st brand new car, the garage he had always wanted, and he was going to be a grandpa again. That’s one of the hardest things I am dealing with is that my kids aren’t going to get to be held by or play with him. They will know of him though when they are old enough I will show them pictures and tell them stories of what an incredible man he was. That he taught their mommy how to work on cars and how he was a big teddy bear. That even though he was bigger than most and could have been a bully he chose to be a gentle loving caring man. It’s kind of cliché to say but my dad truly was the type that would give you the shirt off his back to help you. He hated getting help from others he always preferred to be the one to help others. I know I got that quality from him. If you don’t really know me or haven’t realized yet I was Daddy’s little girl & always will be. 

Now it's been almost a month and the pain is still there but God helps me everyday to live on and have joy no matter what circumstances arise. I will always miss my daddy and I can't help but think of all the things I wont get to do with him anymore and all the things he loved. I live my life and will do my best to make him proud of me.